When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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