Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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