I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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