You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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