then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
