My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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