i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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