Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
