New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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