You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So vagazzling was a success
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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