I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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