did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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