Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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