Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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