Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
