Buhtt sex?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
