Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
