ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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