You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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