nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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