Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
