i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
