Ambien. No doubt about it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
