Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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