i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize