so explain again why im purple
no
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
