in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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