I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
