Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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