alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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