yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
