Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
