would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
