why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
