Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
