It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
