pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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