did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
