There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
