3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
