I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need a beard to bite.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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