just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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