He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
