I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
