Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
