From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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