I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
