oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
