So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Michael Bay diarrhea
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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