I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
