He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
