Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
