I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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