we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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