Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
