I need help removing her.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
