I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
