I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
