Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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