so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team