At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches