im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."