I seem to have left my pride at pride
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert