I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
