what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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