A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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