There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
