So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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