I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
