what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
