Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He shit in the fireplace
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
